Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise
New focus and challenge with a brand new existence; a baby boy entered my husband’s and my life! Here I must fast forward, as this is my introduction to my family matters blog and our boy is approaching two years old soon. I am arming myself with all I can to share and explore – so much to learn. I am feeling like a new person who is so blessed and happily fumbling along. “Life is hard, you have to change.” A quote from one of my favourite bands, Blind Melon. All has been beautiful; the stress, the heartache, the joy of every moment and all of the challenges as well.
My dreams, my heart, my everything is so very complete as I married the most amazing person on Earth and we miraculously brought to be our perfect little angel into the World. I love them both so much.
We love and care for this boy and still manage to travel with our careers. I am content, somewhat, since we have incredible support and our boy is loved and cared for by family, while we work ever so hard to get on our feet whilst continuing our journey in our current career.
Whose head isn’t full of doubt? But I assure you, the road is full of promises ahead! I am experiencing this first hand!
Travel: after baby – bitter-sweet.
Bitter because I cry leaving my boy – the vision of him, his scent, the sound and feel of him. I hold him close and rock him as our heart beats coincide. I have sung to him every time I lay him down to sleep since the day he was born. I sing, “Leaving on a jet plane…” and I cry, because it is true… I never let him know my fears and sadness. I will shelter him and protect and let him know only innocent joy, as he is so young and perfect. I am happy because he is happy with our Whanau: our family, who love him very much.
I feel driven to work as hard as I can for this family. Living on one income brought realities. I am now able to contribute towards our future. The best part: I can be there more than I thought – more than a “Monday to Friday” career would able!
Currently, I am in Dallas, Texas. I have been wide awake for weeks it seems. Bounced around the world quite literally. I am so sleepless that I am driven to write tonight. I am seeking some sort of grounding and refuge from the absolute chaos that is life sometimes.
My skin is getting older, it seems. Still traveling and watching many suns come up and down until the moon shows itself. Hours into day and night.
I have struggled to keep up with sharing this journey and have just been moving along; with friends, with a new love, who feels so comfortably old and experienced as if he’s been with me all along, and with travel; essentially with life. I have to admit that this “one new experience a week” is a journey that I am failing at “documenting.” I am certainly enthralled in every moment, and I am trying, trying, trying to absorb and experience all each day presents.
Some days I live twice and some, not at all. Altitude is a master thief of time and space. (Prelude to my next blog).